Stop, start, stop, start... I am a blogging failure with this blog.

But.

I have not been a failure with the weight loss. I recommitted to getting my fat ass trimmed down about 13 weeks ago, and it's now 30 pounds lighter.

50-55 more to go.

The Spouse Thingy and I started this together; we sucked it up and joined Jenny Craig, because having to report to someone, explain if we weren't making progress, seemed like a good idea. Accountability tends to work.

And it did. Right up until they kicked my ass out of there. He gets to stay; I'm on my own.

To be fair, they didn't kick me out for noncompliance or for being a bitch; they refunded my contract because I am too sensitive to the soy in their foods, and the JC nutritionist was afraid it would turn into a full blown allergy. So props to them for putting my health above profits, but it kind of sucks because I liked their food.

I still go with the Spouse Thingy when he weighs in, and if I have problems our (well, his) consultant will still help me.

But still...13, almost 14, weeks in, and I've dropped thirty pounds. I am not unhappy with that, not at all. It sucks to realize there's still over 50 more to go, but that sounds a lot better than the 85 I was looking at in July.

I have a little more faith this time around that the weight loss will stick. I'm more determined this time, I'm not hungry all the time, and I'm finding some things are a lot more fun with less fat to get in the way.

You can use your imagination for that :)

Here We Go Again...

I now weigh more than I ever have. Not by much, but a couple pounds is enough that I'm pissed off at myself.

This is me officially recommitting to getting into a shape other than round.

Failure is not an option. I'm nearly 48, and if I don't do it now, I may not see 50.

And the beauty...no one remember this blog. Heh.

I didn't exactly forget about this blog. I didn't intend to abandon it, either. What I did do was get very frustrated, and had nothing worthwhile to post to it.

The basic explanation: after abdominal pains that sent me to the ER twice, and months of not knowing what the problem was, then coming to realize that the diagnosis of "well, maybe it's an ulcer" might be more right than wrong, I mostly gave up. I wasn't getting the sudden, stabbing pains that had me writhing in pain under the horrible fluorescent lights of the DGMC ER room, but I was having near constant stomach discomfort that only seemed to ease up with food in my stomach.

Yeah, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that eating more when you're trying to lose weight is counter-productive.

And yeah, I gained back quite a bit of what I lost. But now I have a new doctor who, upon the very first time seeing him, is taking a sane route to What's Wrong With This Patient. He drew blood to test for H.Pylorri (sp?) and put in a referral for me to see a gastrointerologist. One way or the other he's going to figure it out, instead of taking a wait and see stance.

It may very well be that I end up with the sae treatment regimin that I was given at the base hosptal, but it will be knowing what the problem is. And if it is an ulcer cause by a bacteria, a couple weeks on antibiotics should fix it.

Then I can start all over again.

In the meantime, I'm not beating myself over weight regained. I've over-eaten and I know it, but honestly, I've kind of enjoyed it. I also know I can't keep doing it.

Funny though...my blood pressure was lower than it usually is when I saw NewDoc. Go figure...

Oohyeah.

It's just 1 pound, but it stayed OFF, so it counts.

It's kind of amazing since I haven't made an effort to eat well the last week or so...It must be the smoothies. Yep. Berry Fulfilling smoothies.

Ok..on my "official" weigh in day the scale was still holding stubbornly at the same number it has been for...7 weeks? Something like that. I expected a gain, frankly, because I've had fries a couple of times and a Big Mac once. Oh, and a low cal smoothie twice. That was freaking good... That may be lunch today.

Yes, I'm drinking my lunch.

So no gain on the scales Friday morning. Just the same number that's been taunting me.

But this morning...woohoo, a 1 pound loss. That pound might be back tomorrow with a friend, but for now, I'm happy, I needed to see the scale number change in the right direction.

I still have not gotten back into a workout routine, but honestly, it's hard to fathom it with a back that feel like it's about to crumble. I think this summer I'm going to buy one of those tall inflatable pools for the back yard; it wouldn't be good for laps, but it would be find for other workout types. And they're kinda cheap.

We'll see...

Yay.

It was water weight.

And it's gone.

Now..to break the freaking plateau. Having pizza tonight surely didn't help, but what the heck. It was cheese and I was way under calories when I had it.

I can rationalize anything. :)

It's got to be water.
That's my mantra for today.
It's got to be water.

I hit the scale this morning and was up 4 pounds from yesterday. So I'm wandering around the house muttering "It's water weight, it's water weight..." I aven't had breakthrough on my DDAVP for three days running, so I know I'm retaining, I can feel it in my arms. So I'm hoping all of that is water...

I refuse to believe it's the pancakes... ;)

Sheesh, that's 4 weeks in a row with no change. I had high hopes for this week, until the day before yesterday when I did not eat well--my calories were ok but my food choices were not--and yesterday when I skipped breakfast (had to for an abdominal ultrasound) and was insanely hungry the rest of the day. I wound up having Subway for lunch (not a bad choice, low fat and only 330 calories) but then we had pancakes for dinner (which I'm assuming were driping with calories) and later I as still hungry (really, tummy growling and everything) and I had an apple, and then popcorn.

So I suppose I should be glad I didn't gain, eh...?

I have come to realize that if I don't eat breakfast, or if I do and eat the wrong thing, my appetite is much higher through the day. If I eat oatmeal about an hour after I get up (can't eat before then because of medication issues) I'm not hungry all day and just eat normal amounts and don't crave crap.

Face it, if I had had a box of chocolate here yesterday, I would have eaten it all.

On th food front...I got email from someone else who'd done NutriSystem and had problems with the food; she, too, turned out to have a bad gall bladder, and once she got it out she was able to go back to NS foods. Still had the NutriToots, but no the pain. Since I really liked the food and as doing well weight-wise on it, I would like to be able to go back to it.

Something to look forward to. Presuming I ever get this sucker yanked out.

Okay, I'm on week 3 of a plateau, and while I know I should expect these every once in a while, that doesn't mean it's not annoying the boogers out of me. One part of my brain is moaning "at 1200 calories a day I should be able to sit in front of the TV and just drool and still lose weight" but the rational part is telling me to get off my ample tushy and break a sweat.

But the bad with the good: we did a preliminary run on our taxes, and Uncle Sam wants an insane amount of money from us. Enough that we have no idea how we're going to come up with it. But the good thing? Last year that would have spurred both the Spouse Thingy and I do indulge in a little stress eating, but we didn't.

(Coming soon: Thumper puts up half of what she owns on Ebay) ;)

I really do need to get a little more physical...I just miss having people to work out with. No excuse, I know, but it was a lot more fun when I lived in Ohio next to several Evil People who dragged me off to aerobics every morning. And I miss being able to train in a martial art. And swimming.

Yep, I'm full of excuses and other, ahem, things...

I'm still not getting the protein I probably should...just an egg with breakfast, or a teaspoon of peanut butter would do it, I think, but I can't eat any more than that oatmeal.

And yep, I had cake. But it was a compromise; I wanted a huge freaking slice, but split one slice--and not a big one--with the Spouse Thingy. and it wasn't an impulse; after decided I wanted one we ran some errands and when I still seriously wanted it when we were done, I figured I'd eat it or else I'd have the munchies the rest of the day.

And if it was the wrong thing to do, at least I took him down with me ;)

Breakfast: 1 cup oatmeal | 150 cal
Lunch: Roast Beef Sub | 340 cal
Baked Lays | 130 cal
Evilness 1/2 slice cake | 150
Dinner: Vegetable Soup | 300 cal
Banana | 100 cal
Snack: Fat free yogurt | 100 cal
Apple | 60 cal
TOTAL CALORIES: 1330

We're having lunch out tomorrow--at a buffet place--but it's to celebrate a birthday, so it's ok!

Um...why, yes, I did need that chocolate.
But it was DARK chocolate!
It was healthy!

Breakfast: 1 cup oatmeal | 150 cal
Lunch: Subway Club Sub | 330 cal
Baked Lays | 130 cal
Dinner: Grilled Tilapia | 150 cal
garlic bread | 140 cal
4 small pieces dark chocolate | 200 cal
Snack: Fat free yogurt | 100 cal
Apple | 60 cal
TOTAL CALORIES: 1260

Better today, but I think I needed to eat more, actually. I wasn't hungry, but I fell short of the 1200 calories I should have had. And I think I should have had a protein with breakfast.

I also didn't weigh this morning. I usually do, but I feel a little bloated (DDAVP has not worn off in a couple of nights) and new it was going to be up a couple of pounds...and I didn't want to see that.

Breakfast: 1 cup oatmeal | 150 cal
Lunch: Healthy Choice turkey dinner | 220 cal
Massive craving: dark chocolate | 200 cal
Dinner: Broiled chicken with rice | 330 cal
Snack: Fat free yogurt | 100 cal
Apple | 60 cal
TOTAL CALORIES: 1060

I'm obviously having a hard time getting back on the right track. I blew it right out of the gate this morning by reaching for Pop Tarts instead of something reasonable. Why? Because they were there, I was lazy. I used to eat oatmeal every morning...not exactly the same.

And other than the soup...NO veggies in there today.

This was sooooo much easier on NutriSystem. Other than the pain...

Breakfast: 2 poptarts | 400 cal
Lunch: Vegetable beef barley soup | 300 cal
Dinner: Mac & cheese | 200 cal
Blueberry muffins | 300 cal
Snack: Fat free yogurt | 100 cal
TOTAL CALORIES: 1300

I'm not sure if I'll keep up with the online food diary, but for a few days I figured it's be worth a try...

And yeah, pancakes was not the best thing I could have had for dinner, but it was better than the pizza I wanted to order. I think.

Breakfast: 1 banana | 90 cal
Fat free yogurt | 100 cal
Lunch: 1 roast beef sandwich | 340 cal
1 bag baked Lays Chips | 140 cal
Dinner: Pancakes | 600 cal
Snack: Apple | 60 cal
TOTAL CALORIES: 1330

Breakfast: None
Vending Machine Cave-In: Snickers Bar | 220 cal
Lunch: 1/2 roast beef sandwich | 180 cal
1 bag baked Lays Chips | 140 cal
Dinner: Vegetable Soup | 300 cal
Snack: Apple | 60 cal
Fat free yogurt | 100 cal
TOTAL CALORIES: 1,000

Another even week--no loss, no gain. Considering how crappy I ate all week, that's a major victory. There have been cookies (oooh, my mother in law makes these awesome oatmeal crispies that I am powerless against) and pumpkin pie on Christmas, and yesterday's Arby's regular, followed by a piece of chocolate cake, and then a late dinner at Denny's were probably not the best choices I could have made (but they were goooood...)

We're grocery shopping today, I need to get some reasonable foods in this house to keep me from reaching for the junk (and to keep me from eating out) and to get me back on track.

We're also checking out the base gym today. It occured to us that we can likely use it for free...no pool, which I need, but for now free beats $100 month for a membership where I have to fight for a lane in the pool (though later, probably after we know how much we'll get socked for in taxes this year, we'll join Gold's Gym....pool plus tons of classes there, especially karate, which I want to try again even if it hurt, and damn, can I create a longer run on sentence???)

Ooops, yes, it's Friday. Bad news is I didn't lose anything. Good news is I didn't gain anything. And considering this has been the week frm hell, that's decent enough!

New goal this month:

JUST DON'T GAIN ANYTHING!!!

Half a pound lost again.
Better than half a pound gained.
Or worse.
We won't discuss the fries or the chocolate truffles...

I stopped eating the Nurtisystem food because it was tearing me up. The problem is I didn't know ingredient was doing it.

Tonight I tried a couple small pieces of a sugar free candy...loaded with malitol.

Malitol is not my friend.

I still don't know if soy is a problem, but I can be sure that mailtol is, and NS foods tend to be loaded with it.

My poor tummy...